Love Was a Many Splintered Thing

Previously Posted 2017

So, back in the day, way back in the day, if anyone had suggested that I would be married more than once, I would have laughed until my belly ached and coffee spurted out of my nostrils. 

As it turned out, I am currently in my third marriage.  

I was a sweet young thing of 23 when I first married.  My first husband was a worldly 29, served in the Peace Corps and was working on an advanced degree.  He was an electrical engineer.  He designed and fixed things.  If I said it would be fun to have a wine rack that hung from the cabinet, he would make me one.  We sprouted beans, drank Postem, went to the symphony, lectures and the theater.  We had a sailboat.  We talked about living on a boat.  We bought a house and got a puppy.  We gardened, dined and wrote poetry.  I cried myself to sleep most nights.  After 6 years, I filed for divorce and subsequently had the marriage annulled.   

Husband #2 came along when my heart was broken but he was complete opposite of #1.  He was an entertainer, a musician and usually the life of the party.  But, what one saw was not always what one got when behind closed doors.  I spent a lot of time alone.  We bought a condo, had a baby, built a house, got a puppy and I cried myself to sleep most nights.  After nearly 14 years, I filed for divorce. 

I vowed I would never marry again, but then along came Michael.

What can I say about him?  What do you say about someone who is selfless in his desire to make you happy?  What can you say about someone who wants to heal people and make things right? What do you say about someone who listens when you speak?

Michael had clinical training and recognized that I suffered from depression.  During each divorce, having been seen by two different therapists, for extended periods of time, no one recognized this issue.  I probably would have gone on for the rest of my life crying myself to sleep.  But, thanks to this man, who would not let me hide my fading embers under a bushel and who helped me escape my shroud of sadness, I have my life back.  Granted, half of it was already over, but half of a healthy life is better than none.

Do I have regrets?  There were real problems in both marriages, so understanding my depression would not have stopped the divorces. From each relationship, I learned so many things…that the world is bigger than my short horizon and yet I do deserve to have a shining place under the sun. And I deserved to be loved.  We all deserve love.

Do I ever cry myself to sleep?  If I do (and I have), they are for reasons that I understand.

“Depression is a mental disorder that affects the mind and can have noticeable affects on physical and social wellness. According to an article on depression by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, depression remains one of the main causes of death and illness in the U.S. and is linked to inability to function socially, reduced quality of life and disability.”    

From the website, http://www.livestrong.com.