Well, it looks like the last time I was present at Brain Chatterings Part II was back in June. So much for poems, prayers & promises to this blog. Now, I know better than to say I'll be back soon, as I probably won't.
While four months have gone by, everything has pretty much remained status quo. MHN is still a Stage 4 cancer patient. I guess that is the good news as it means he is still with us. He has some good days but more bad days than before. We stumble along a very zig-zagged path. The poems, prayers and promises are here.
I am permanently working from home, thanks to an understanding employer. Besides the overhanging threat of covid at my mature age, I need to be present for MHN as there are days when he needs me more than others. My position with the firm has also changed, allowing me to make my own hours, as I am strictly plan writing. All things considered, this has been a very positive transition for me.
There are the physical strengths that I didn't know I had - emptying the two dehumidifiers each morning (to do this, I need to carry two quite heavy buckets from the basement to the first floor), bringing the trash cans down on Wednesday & bringing them back up on Thursday. It's a kind of longish hilly driveway, so it is a mini workout; I've been known to break a sweat. Carrying the laundry baskets up and down, doing a lot of cleaning and especially sanitizing, and a whole lot of cooking. Today, I had to go to the farm market for him. Maybe this doesn't sound like a big deal, but I have been very spoiled. Because M worked from home and then when he retired 6 years ago, he was here and took care of so many things... things which never received a second thought from me.
There is strength is in my spirit. I am pretty tough in this house, though I might be called the younger and a tad bit kinder sister of Nurse Ratchet. I can be tough as nails, running my home and watch-dogging MHN against his possible follies. (I was MIA when the "Nurse Nancy" genes were distributed; my soft and cuddly mojo is limited to babies and dogs.)
But when I am alone, (and I am only ever alone in my car) so many thoughts assault me. It's a barrage of mini-missiles aimed right at my heart. It isn't just MHN's illness; there are other factors to account for this.
But, we'll just leave this here...the elephant in the blog.
As I drove to the market today, it was wonderful to see the leaves changing colors. They prepare us with a tinge of color and finally disappear in a blaze of glory. So unlike people.
Autumn was always my favorite time of year. But, as so many sad things have happened in Autumn, I am feeling a pall over what used to make me happy.
Is it because I am in the Autumn of my own life?
