Everything is pretty much status quo around here.
MHN continues
with the oral chemo which he seems to be tolerating well. He still is having issues with pain. He pushes himself to the point of
exhaustion; I guess it makes him feel
“normal”. He is a doer and was never
lazy in the 20+ years that I have known him.
I guess it’s just the nature of his inner beast.
The tree and decorations are put away. This holiday was a real bust with so many
other things interfering with how I envisioned it, beginning in November with
the passing of my ex-husband, my daughter’s father. Then was the ten-year anniversary of the
passing of my sister, Ann. Then finding out
MHN’s disease had spread.
The
holidays!! One part of me says “why
bother?” and another part of me says “do the best you can.” We were alone Christmas Eve and Christmas
Day. (We had visitors Christmas Eve day,
but MHN was in the ER in the morning for pain, so it wasn’t a joyous
day.) He is Jewish and Christmas Eve
lunch was brisket, latkes and the like. I am thinking
next year, it will be an Italian Christmas all the way. On Christmas Day. With presents. No more checks.
I am doing the very best I can with everything that is going on here, but I am
finding that minute fragments of resentment are making its presence known. I try to remain positive and upbeat, but 90%
of the conversation in these parts revolves around cancer, treatments, studies,
diet and the like. On one hand, I truly
applaud his vigor in doing the research but on the other hand, let’s take a
break. For a day. Time is flying by and we are losing what
is limited time we have remaining together. Ya, know??
One of my resolutions is to have 50 mini dates with
MHN. We can’t go out to eat and we can’t be
away from home for more than 3-4 hours max (if he is feeling good). So, the mini date ideas are something along
the lines of going to Walmart together; taking a drive down to the beach in
Madison; poking around Job Lot, go to the library and the like.
I am not looking to be wined, dined & dazzled; I just want to get out of
the house with him.
Okay. The pity party is now over; thank you for letting me vent. I do feel guilty but I need to let it out somewhere. And shrinks are way too expensive. And of course, this little blog o'mine is my emotional outlet. (There is even a photo for proof.)
Update on resolutions:
Lose 15 pounds…. Based on my
goal weight, I need to lose 15 pounds.
Start doing some form of the
e-word. Not yet
Sell this home and find a new
one. Praying on this.
Decorate new place with some new
furnishings and be in love with it. Can’t do this
until part one is addressed.
Continue packing up the house. Yes!
Have big tag sale in the Spring. Yes!
Herb garden on deck in new place
(if I have a deck); otherwise windowsill herb garden.
Read a minimum of 100 books,
about two per week.
1. City of Girls by Elizabeth
Gilbert
2. Bookish Life of
Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman
Try 50 new recipes. (i.e. pickled eggplant, jams, jellies, challah,
pasta)
1. Stir fry with stuff on hand (not with a recipe)
2. Vanilla Bean
Scones (not a new recipe)
Weed out my recipe stash.
Cleaned
out recipe box &
Blog once a week, even if I have
nothing to say. Wednesdays! Here I am - a day early, even!!
Participate in one holiday craft
fair, probably November 2020. Too soon.
Go through each craft and art
magazine (!! There are lots) and list all the projects that I want to try. Not yet
In line with the previous goal,
go through my craft stash and list each project I have started that has fallen
by the wayside and finish them. Off the
top of my head, scrapbook for my daughter; more work with resin; braided
basket; paint rocks; sew; rose needlepoint, etc. Not yet
Make Christmas cards for
2020. Putting together some ideas
Have 50 mini dates with MHN - Week 1 was a
bust.
Take a long weekend getaway with
my daughter. We’re talking ideas, both for
weekend getaway and a real vacation which won’t be for a while.
See you next week. xo
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